Depression and suicide remove the taboo

Im writing this blog because im hearing more and more stories from people in my community commiting suicide. I have been there myself and feel that there is not enough still being done to create awareness. In this blog i look at both sides how suicide leaves the devastation behind and also to stay objective i try to look at it from a person who suffers from mental health issues and the realty of how low a suicidal person is. The point of this blog is not to be for one side or another to to give an objective view and to develop awareness and to remove this taboo over suicide because if its not talked about openly on honestly then how can other people have confidence to get help. At the end of the day it is to encourage any person feeling depressed suicidal or suffering from other mental health disorders to seek help. Never feel shame.

Lately in my country suicide has being a big issue. In the past decade 2001 – 2010 there was 4905 suicides in the republic of Ireland according to the National Suicide Research Foundation. Out of this 4905 cases 3925 where male and 980 where female. These figures are shocking and it does show that it is affecting men more than woman but on the same hand that has being increase of women doing so that is also worrying. The government in Ireland don’t much to support these helplines. They reley on fundraising and charitable donations and they do great work with limited resources. According the ISPCC Ireland there was 1212 calls/texts on Christmas day.

I know when i was suffering from my own depression the first worst thing i did was ignore it and it was just left in the back of my mind. I think i spent more effort trying to pretend i was fine. When it really got out of hand i was too afraid to ask for help for a few reasons:

1. Because i lived alone with my son and not much family around me i was afraid to tell the doctor the whole truth about how i felt. What would the outcome have been if i said i was suicidal. My biggest fear was loosing my son. Which now i know was nonsense.
2. Another thing was i wasn’t very well educated on what services where out there to help me. There is plenty of online resources and self help groups that i was afraid to go to. Suppose the depression and anxiety can have that effect on people but these groups do really pay off in the end.
3. The fear of being judge. As open as i am in this blog in real life when talking about how you feel its harder and for me i found it hard to hear myself say it out loud, but when i did i felt like i achieved some thing.

I left myself that way for so long i truley that this had become my life for ever and had no future. I just felt like i cant go on like this. A low feeling i suppose low is putting it mildly, but in that frame of mind i felt it was the only real answer to end it all. Well thank god it didn’t go to plan and im still here three years later. While i did get help from friends and family which i appreciate soo much. One of the biggest issue i found while trying to recover was i lots all control of my life. The first weeks while i was getting help it was great and i needed to be watched. But as i started to feel better and what to start getting on with life again i was still under other peoples controlled. As a grown women i had no say im my own house. Its an important message that when you get help and start to feel that hope back and you want to get a bit of control back you need it and that when people need to be observant but allow that person to do.
Recently in my town there has being another suicide a mother with children. The first few comments i have heard about it was selfish why b hurting others. These are valid points but counterproductive comments at the same time. When these are the messages that we hear and most people have been brought up with that attitude its not helpful. When you feel suicidal and you hear people say these comments as true as they are, it just reinforces what a suicidal person thinks e.g. they are already thinking soo low of them selves that when you hear im a horrible person they get even lower. The message really is that a suicidal person is ill just like someone with a physical disease. The new message people should be spreading is thats a terrible illness and i hope any one feeling that way can talk.
If you got any thing from this blog i just hope its this:

• Depression and suicide is an illness you are not a horrible person for feeling that way
• The minute you think you are going to harm yourself say it get help immediately
• Suicide is a permant solution for a temporary illness
• More people care about you than you think
• Always give yourself the chance because you deserve help
• Never take someones control away from them